weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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