Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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