i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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