Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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