I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
