after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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