i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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