What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
