oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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