you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
