I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
