People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
