I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
