it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
