Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
