i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
