he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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