I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
