Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
