we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
