I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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