Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
