So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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