I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
