i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
