You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
