That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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