why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
