You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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