I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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