At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
