woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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