1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
