Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
