I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All the doctor said was why
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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