when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
