someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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