I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
