Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I want her autograph on my taint
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
