i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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