did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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