i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
