quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
