i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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