Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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