I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In other news, I just burned my penis
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
