rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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