Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
