i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
