Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
