im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
