Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
