I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
