While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
