Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
